Everything is Beauty

my highs are so high, yet never really happy, just carefree, and my lows are rock fucking bottom. there is no in between, or at least not how others see as between, just kinda blah. i spent most of my time im blah or like rock bottom. and i must say that living like this is starting to take its toll, hardcore. i dont know if its cause ive been away form my home group for so long of what, but i need a fucking smoke or a cut or a burn. my poison is a little more literal. ive gain weight cause ive stopped smoking for the time being, and its not helping. i feel fat, ugly, and just terrible. honestly i just want to leave here. i want to go home. problem is my home is not a place but a group of people. i should go to bed now. tomorrow is true blood!